Ten Years, and Two Months

It’s been two months since I departed from IBM. I think this is a good spot to reflect on my time there, how it ended, and where I go from here.

Where it started

When I joined IBM in 2017, I was genuinely excited to build things that helped people at scale. This was especially true for what I was hired for - to lead that team that built IBM (The Weather Company) Outage Prediction product. As a weather nerd, and someone with depression+anxiety, the ability to build something that would help energy companies restore power more quickly was amazing. (to all my friends in Ontario, where our biggest customer was located - you are very welcome!)

And that was an amazing ride, until a reorganization in 2021 that saw me laid off from IBM for the first time. OP was merged into another product and I was redundant. The general guidance from IBM was “find another role for yourself” which, while not quickly enough to avoid a separation, I did soon find myself back at IBM. This was apparently so common, all I had to say was ‘boomerang’ to HR and everyone understood. I was living what I thought was the intrepid do-what-is-necessary ethic to persist.

Where it went

In IBM Software/The Weather Company, I was able to deeply care about what I made, take feedback from customers and iterate upon it to make products better, and generally focus on making the best product possible.

IBM Consulting is the wild west.

Who finds suitable work for you to take on? You.
Who takes sole responsibility for your professional development? You.
Who supports you in balancing your work/life? You.
Who is expected to hit a utilization target that ignores vacation and holidays? You.
Who is also expected to take a minimum of 40hrs of training, which doesn’t contribute to your utilization? You.

I could go on. And I know, there are a lot of people who work long days/weeks. But I never expected to be assigned to client projects where the PMs just schedule twice daily checkins 7 days/wk. Straight through weekends, and nobody flinches. This is ‘normal.’ Oh - except, you’re also not allowed to bill more than 40hrs/week to a project.

So, I spent a couple of years being pushed onto train-wreck assignments. I worked through weekends. I failed to take vacation or do anything with my kids. Why? I was working on public infrastructure projects that I knew had a positive effect on people’s lives. People who depended on these available services. I knew the work I was doing would help them get the support they need. I knew the real impact of doing the right thing, even if I wasn’t being paid for it all.

How it ended

And when I found myself between assignments, I tried to live up to the ideal IBMer that I envisioned. IBM’s “one purpose” for their employees is “Be Essential.” When I wasn’t working for clients, I was participating in the IBM Front-End Dev community (shout out to my FED peeps), I was helping with estimates and projects anywhere I could. I took a class in writing MCP servers, so when I saw Carbon Design System announce its MCP server, I did a bit of research and saw that Hashicorp’s Helios Design System didn’t have one yet. So I wrote one and handed it to them.

But ultimately, with IBM Consulting signing less and less new front-end development work, my utilization percentage fell below the threshold where you are now a liability, not an asset. And that puts you on an automatic path out the door.

Why it was doomed

While this has been cathartic griping about my previous job, it also illustrates a tremendous contrast. In IBM Software, I was rewarded for caring about what I made. I was able to deeply understand the needs of my users, take their feedback into account, design new solutions to make the products serve them better, and iterate. Improve. Put IBM Design Thinking to work: we Observe, we Reflect, and then we Build.

In IBM Consulting, I was punished for doing anything more than shoveling software out the door as quickly as possible. If I wanted to put care, effort, and time into what I was making, to help our clients and their users - that was up to me to make personal sacrifices in order to make that happen.

But I rebound

Obviously, my biggest priority is to find a new source of income. That’s my responsibility to myself, my family, and even to the organizations I was making payroll-deducted donations to. I want to get back to supporting all the people and causes I care about.

I realized that my resume had become tuned to finding an assignment inside of IBM Consulting, so I took some time and rewrote it to tell stories about the challenges I overcame and the contributions I made, and how they helped our users. In doing this, I discovered a user centered through-line that became the theme of the cover letters I write and the stories I tell.

To search for a new role, I’ve gone through two iterations (so far?) of my job search infrastructure - starting with a simple scraper/analysis tool, and then upgrading it with a staged pipeline that filters based on real gates for requirements, and provides me with a distilled list of ideal positions. When I review these, I can write my own meaningful cover letters, and hopefully create dialogues with companies who can use my expertise. At current count, I’ve applied to 195 roles, 140ish of which are still outstanding. (to say this market is difficult is an understatement)

And I build

While my job search tooling is also a fun project and hopefully a valid example of systems thinking and design, I’m working on other projects as well. I’ve continued making updates to my blog site (this one), my reading site, and improvements to my workflow with my local MCP servers. I’m working on a project that’s a chronological timeline of everything - personal projects, jobs, professional projects. I’m currently calling it a ‘living CV.’

But my most ambitious project has been creating my first iOS app - AppendX. Learning about Swift, SwiftUI, and the vagaries of publishing Apps on Apple platforms is keeping me on my toes. But I know this will be useful for people! And I’m already exploring ideas for new features and new apps.

And I heal

After getting over the shock and resolving the identity of me vs my employer, I’m … peaceful. I was having some problems with tension and medical issues that have largely resolved. I’m taking time to work on household projects that I’ve been deferring. I feel more present in my house and in my family. I am not full of anxiety - although it almost seems like the industry is shifting so quickly that the role I’m trying to get is changing day-to-day. Somehow, I’m hopeful.

And I persist

The most important takeaway from this, is that my job doesn’t define me. I have to give myself some forgiveness for allowing some mixing of me & my employer. Ten years is a third of my career spent at one employer. It got so comfortable to just say “I work for IBM” and not have to explain any further.

But now I realize, to “Be Essential” doesn’t depend where you work. It depends on who you are, what you care about, and how you live your own values — every day — to help the people around you.

I don’t know if my idealized vision of IBM and IBMers still exists. I’m not quite sure it ever did, as I imagined it. I realize now it was a shortcut way for me to attach myself to a larger mission, a grander vision of helping the world through my work. But now I know that I can do this as an individual, or the member of a small team, or in any other company or capacity. All I really have to do is care about my users and do my best work.

So I no longer say “I work for IBM.” But I can say that I make websites and apps that help people. And I do this not only because I get paid for it, I do it because it helps.

In the words of Thomas Watson Jr: “Ever Onward.”

this is the “One Purpose / Three Values / Nine Practices” card I was given at “New To Blue” training when I was first hired by IBM. I attached it to my company ID and carried it with me for ten years.